Does He know?

Jai could hear the din of excited murmur, as he strained to understand the numbers in the excel sheet in front of him. He let out a deep sigh, and decided to find out, what the ruckus was all about. As he looked out, through his glass door, he could see Sanjay, come out of the Boss’s cabin, with a packet of sweets in his hands. People were gathering around his seat, and were gesticulating excitedly. Sanjay caught his eyes, and with a shake of his hand, asked Jai, to join the group.

The number crunching would have to wait. Jai, got out of his seat, opened the door to his cabin, and made his way to Sanjay’s desk. “You old bastard! You didn’t tell us about her! When did this happen?” Someone was saying. People were generally laughing and smiling, and making digs at Sanjay. “Come, Jai. You must be the last person to get the news”, he said, and showed jai his left hand. No, not the middle finger…it was his ring finger that everyone was pointing at.

“I got engaged over the weekend, and will no longer be available for all you lovely women!” he joked. “Her name is Kamana, and doesn’t she look pretty?” He pointed at his monitor. There was something awfully familiar about that face, hidden behind those huge sunglasses that all girls suddenly seem to be wearing. Then he saw the small scar, just at the edge of her mouth. It all came back to him.

Life can be funny sometimes. Jai couldn’t help, but smile as he remembered, how he had given her the scar, when he had been playing darts, with rohan, in their room and She had suddenly walked in. “Does he know?” he wondered. Sanjay, was all smiles, as he accepted the congratulations from all and sundry, and offered them sweets in return.

Jai suddenly had more important things to do, and the monthly report, suddenly didn’t seem so important. “You are coming for drinks, aren’t you?” Sanjay asked. “No, I have some work to do” he replied. Jai, locked his computer, took his bag, and left the office.

“Dude, you are at home, right? I’m coming over.” He yelled on the phone. “Ok” came the muffled reply from the other side. “Auto, JP nagar” he yelled at the auto guy, as he got in. Now was not the time for politeness, too many things were going on in his mind. ‘He must have known. How could he not have known about all this? And he never told me. Poor chap. How must he be feeling?’ was his train of though, as he planned his next plan of action. “Bas! Yehi side me laga dena” he told the auto guy, pointing to the wine shop.

“Salim bhai, kaise ho??…haan mera regular. Do khamba shark tooth, aur ek Old Monk…cold drink bhi de dena..Aur kya hai?” Jai knew the owner of the wine shop. He had been his best customer for the three years, when he had lived with rohan, and now that he had come back after a gap of more than 2 years, Salim bhai, was happy to see him. After some perfunctory, small talk, Jai moved on to Majid’s Biryani corner, where he picked up four-plate mutton biryani…the regular order. It had been a long time, since he had met Rohan, and it wasn’t in the best of circumstances now, but it would have to do.

They had been like brothers, in those glorious days of Engineering, and they had enjoyed all the 6 semesters they had been roommates. They had been virtually inseparable, and people often thought that they were a gay couple. This was ironic, because both of them had various girlfriends, during the entire time, and enjoyed going on double dates. Kamana was one of those girls…Rohan’s best girlfriend, as they had once joked. Jokes apart, she had been his longest relationship, and always had a special place in his heart.

He still remembered the time Rohan broke up with her. It was actually she who had broken up with him. And that had mainly to do with Jai, being always around him. She had asked him to choose between Jai, and herself, and like a loyal friend, he chose Jai. He cried over the turn of events, and always remembered her after that, but not for a moment did he question his choice.

Rohan opened the door, only after Jai rang the bell for a couple of minutes. He hadn’t taken the news well. Jai couldn’t bear to look at his friend. Unshaved, dressed only in boxers, and a thin shirt, with red eyes…he really looked depressed. Even though it was still daylight outside, it was dark in the room, as the drapes had been drawn. The laptop, was belting out a, blues song, and one could feel the morose atmosphere of the small apartment. Jai went and hugged Rohan. “You should have told me about this.” He said, as he kicked off his formal shoes, in the living room.

“You have been crying, haven’t you?”
“No! I tried really hard, but couldn’t. My eyes are red…since I haven’t slept a wink since I heard the news last week. I don’t know why it is affecting me so much. It’s good that you came”
Jai, settled down on the rug in the living room, and began to spread around the stuff he had got. “Don’t worry! Jai is here. We’ll have Sharktooth, like the in old days. And plus…Ghum ka saathi Rum”

Both of them had been through a lot together. The good as well as the bad. They had seen India Lose the world cup, had been there when they had finally passed their BE’s, and the regular problem with the girls. The answer to every problem had been ‘Chalo! Peetai hai.’ Be it a celebration, or mourning, alcohol had been their savior, and tonight, once again, Jai hoped, it would ease the pain. Jai knew, what he had to do. He had to listen, and let the drink do its thing. It was a difficult time for Rohan, and Jai just had to be there.

A couple of biryani, and four patiala pegs later, Rohan was in a much more somber mode. He had his head back, and was listening to the Himesh number, coming from the laptop. He was rolling the glass, between his fingers- and Jai knew- he was thinking before he began his dramatic monologue.

“I don’t know why I’m feeling this way” he began, “ I didn’t even care about her. I had almost forgotten about her, till Priya told me about her situation. Priya, you remember her, don’t you? The tall one, with lips like Catherine Zeta Jones? Well anyway... it was a bolt out of the blue. I don’t know why it hurts so much. Suddenly I feel it’s all wrong. I shouldn’t have ended it with her. We didn’t end it for a good enough reason. Wait, I don’t mean it in that way. I would never have trader you for her. I mean…I should have made her see my point of view. We often do things that we think are right, for the right reasons. What we don’t understand are its full implications, and these small things come to haunt us.

We had potential dude, great potential. She was the one who made get up every day, and go the gym. She made me stop smoking. She actually changed me. And that is more than what I can say about the other short skirts I chase. You remember how I came back from Lonaval…all happy? I don’t think I have ever been that happy.

Happy...that is what I said I wanted her to be, when Priya told me about her engagement. But I was lying. I want her to be happy, but only with me. It hurts me to see her smiling, along side that monkey.

But what can I do? Life’s like that. You do stupid stuff, and have to bear the consequences. You know, these emotions are a weird thing. It’s so silly of me to live in the past…focus on something, which in reality we might not even have had; but I can’t help it. I know, you are going to tell me to get over it. To ignore it, and live even in denial if that helps. But you know what? I don’t want to. I’ll rather prefer to have this sorry state, than get over her. She was one in a million. I can’t deny that.

I can’t hate her even. I know I tried. She had the gall to send me an invitation via Priya. It is far too easy to convert love to hate, but I don’t want the easy way out. Ya, I do love her…and I’m going to accept that. I have no other option.

But this is all a moot point. Abhi chadi hai, that’s why I’m saying all this. Tomorrow morning, It’s going to be the sorry old me, and nothing is going to change. She is going to marry that bastard, and I’m going to die all alone.

Maybe that is what is bugging me. Ya, I hate that I’m alone. Ya, I’m seeing someone, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m lonely and alone. What the hell…Make me one more large peg!”

Jai knew, that it was all going to be okay. He smiled as he passed on a large Rum and coke.

This post is a part of the November madness programme that I am following, where I attempt to post one entry on this blog, everyday for the last 3 weeks of November.