Social Networking and Me

With everyone getting onto the social networking bandwagon, I think it is high time I explain why I’m still very skeptical about the whole thing.

Being an Internet freak, I must confess that I am quite an old hand at these Social Networking sites. I was member of Orkut in mid 2004, when it was just beginning out, and I had very few real life friends on it. I was on Facebook, when it was opened up to the general public, just as everyone else was getting on to Orkut.

Some people have called these sites, Walled gardens, but that is not why I don’t get them.
The main problem I have with these sites is the absence of compartmentalization and the possibility of only one profile, which may or may not be public.

Let me explain. Being a wannabe polymath, I lie at the intersection of almost disjoint social circles.
I have interests ranging from Geeky ones like Physics and maths to not so geeky ones like Biking and Hindi movies. Besides that, I also have professional interests like .Net and GIS.
And my social contacts tend to lie in such kinds of broad categories. I know what you are thinking. These are not my social contacts. These are people I know.

Ok, then lets talk about my social contacts. I could basically categorize them as people from my primary school, those from my secondary school; Some from my JC while others from Xaviers, and some more from SIG. And this doesn’t even take into account the friends I have first met randomly: Either online, or in person via other people I have known, or just plain randomly.

Friendship is rarely transitive, when it comes to me, and most of my friends hardly know any of my other friends. I have such narrow and small sets when it comes to interpersonal relationships, that with many people I share no other common friend.
In this kind of situation, the usual purpose of S.N.S. is wasted on me. I can hardly put up pics and have 20 different friends tagged in it with 20 more commenting.

Further more social network is all about sharing. And what I have to share totally depends on my mood at that time. And what is on my mind at that moment will not be interesting to all my friends. Let me try to explain.

• There are certain fora I frequent, where it is perfectly alright to type out DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS, while at others I could easily begin with Fuck You, two of my friends died… If I did this in real life, or did it somewhere else, people might question my sanity.
• Often during the weekdays, I am mostly thinking about work, or have found an interesting thing while programming. If I share that, most people wouldn’t get it.
• This is not only with me. If A friend sends me a link to her companies website, asking me to check out their product, I will mark it as spam in a jiffy.

The other major problem I have, is with my worlds colliding. I show a very different face to different kinds of people. Many people think I am quite serious and decent. I don’t want to relieve them of this illusion, and would rather not show them my pictures taken while drinking and other wild things.

I think the problem stems from the fact that we as a society have shifted from having deep meaningful relationships with a few people, to having shallow relationships with a lot of people. The times when a person was your best friend, just because he lived next door,are gone. Gone are the days when your friends group, of 10 to 15 people, would do something together and be happy with that.

We now tend to select friends based on common interests and shared ideals, rather than physical proximity. And our Friendship with everyone is different. We are infact a different person for each one of them.

Feminism

I was watching this Song on a show on Etv Rajasthan. The name of the programme was Bhule Bisre Geet and the name is perfect. Such a song can never be made today; Not only because there is no one like Shakeel Badayuni, but because such a song would never be accepted today.
Listen to the lyrics of this song:

n jaao saiyyaa, chhudaa ke baiyyaa
kasam tumhaaree main ro padoongee
machal rahaa hain suhaag meraa
jo tum naa honge, to kyaa karungee

If a song had similar lyrics today, the feminists would raise a furor over this. How dare a woman define her happiness by a man? How dare her world revolve around a man?
This in short is my main problem with the feminist movement. With the sexual revolution in the 60’s, women have progressed a lot. Let us get this straight. I am not against women’s liberation and emancipation.

What I am against is the ill-effects caused due to women blindly trying to do everything that men do. It is like they selected the worst things that men do and then tried to do it.
People might not agree with me, when I say that Family is the most important part of life. Life is too short to live it selfishly, in an individualistic life. The Glue holding two people together is the knowledge that they share a world, which is different from the whole world, and is experienced by only those two.

One of the requirements for that to happen is that their worlds revolve around each other. This is true for the man, as well as the woman. And if that doesn’t happen, then the motivation for both of them to remain in the relationship is affected. So is the passion, as well as the commitment.

One must be happy for all the growth in our society and culture; But not for a moment must one think that everything has been for the better.

America... Land of the free?

This is something that I have been struggling with, over the last few days. A friend’s casual remark, that called America the land of the free, was what set it off.

I’ve been spending a lot of time on reddit, especially the economic sub-reddit, and am amazed at what I’ve been reading. Over the last few months, with the tanking of the stock market, and collapse of the banking sector, as well as the bail-out have been events, have been the source of lots of frenzied activity here. Not only are the articles informative, but the comments have been interesting. What has been surprising is how pro-market the redditors are, but at the same time, they want stronger regulation by the regulatory bodies. This was just the starting point for my quest.

Their Anthem, might call them the land of the free, but I’m quite skeptical, just how true it is. They might have declared that all men are created equal, but somehow that did not include women and blacks for quite some time.

America has done quite a lot of stupid things when it comes to freedom. And I’m not talking about the things done by G.W.Bush. Remember a guy called Joseph McCarthy? Or remember what happened to the Japanese people living in America during WW2?

Nor is America very free when it comes to sex and what not. If you look at their codes, to prevent the corruption of the Youth, like the Hays Code or the Comics Code Authority, you’ll be surprised. Things got so out of hand, that the authorities were not allowing the publication of a comic, because it mentioned that the story was told by a wolfman. Never mind that the name of the story teller was Marv Wolfman.

And if you look at the things they are doing with respect to science, it’s even scarier. Just yesterday, the Illinois legislature, declared that Pluto was a planet, as far as Illinois was concerned. In other news, in Oklahoma legislature a resolution was proposed, banning Richard Dawkins from speaking at a University.

There is this strange belief that somehow, America, is very special in the world because of its History and ideals and freedom. It is called American exceptionalism. I’m thinking more and more that it might be a lot of propaganda, and you know what? I’m not the only one.

Crossword has a sense of Humour

Crossword Bookstore is my favorite bookstore chain. But I've always known that it sometimes puts books in weird categories.

I remember that in the Inorbit store, before it was renovated, the Science books were placed under the shelf named Occult. I've always chuckled at that.

Today I checked out the Oberoi Mall Branch. It places the Astrology\Palmistry and other pseudo-science books under the shelf titled Non-Fiction

Control is freedom?

I subscribe to one of those greeting sms services, and usually get some cheesy line to read in the middle of my sleep. There was one message, which however has been troubling me for the past two weeks. And I mean that in a good way.

The message said: Always remember that Self control leads to freedom. Now that sounds quite Orwellian. I can see it nicely mix with the party’s slogan. War is peace! Freedom is Slavery! Ignorance is Strength. Now if you just add: Control is Freedom; no one would bat an eyelid.

The reason why this has been such a thought provoking point for me, is that it is sort of my mantra; I just hadn’t put it into words, and this message completely clarify my thoughts. Let me try to explain this paradoxical concept. One would wonder, how in the name of God, can Self control, or ‘holding oneself back’ be equal to freedom?

Let us look at most people, who I know, who keep moaning about life. These are the same people, who do not think about what they are doing, neither are they concerned about the repercussions of their actions. They often find themselves draw into situations, which cause them a lot of grief. They find their options to be limited, and are constricted in their future course of actions.

Now these are the same people who blame me, for being too ’rigid’ or something like that, and claim that I cannot experience all that life has to offer me. Later in the conversation, when they tell me their problems, and ask me for advice, I often give them several options. (Most of which are based on the plan of action I would undertake, if facing such a situation). They would then dismiss these options, saying that they won’t be able to do it, for various reasons. Who has less freedom in this case? Who is being held back?

One can claim that to be truly free, is to be like a cut Kite. If you believe that to be true, then you must also be prepared to be torn in parts, dragged anywhere without your choice, and being subject to forces, beyond your control.

I do not feel that this is what freedom is. Freedom is the ability to have the entire world open before you. You must break free of the shackles and restraints that situations put on you. For this, you may need to put some shackles on yourself. The benefit of these self-made restrictions is that they pain a lot less, and lead to fewer frustrations, and feelings of impotency.

Why is it, then that so few people agree with me on this? I feel this is so, because, it is not easy to set limits, and follow them. You require great strength, when nothing is stopping you from breaking your own rules. The limits, and just imaginary lines, no one will know if you cross them, except for you. One can get weak, and give in to temptation; though this path is simple, it definitely is not easy.

I’ll just like to add a small clarification at the end. Self-control does not mean lack of spontaneity. It does not imply that you cannot flow like a paper boat, on the river of life. All it means is that you are in control of path you take, on the wonderful journey called life.

A thousand Words

They often say that a picture is worth a thousand words, and given that I am terribly miserly with the number of words I use, maybe I should use some Images for a change.

This blog is my blog, where I write about whatever is bugging me at the moment. The thing that is topical for me, is my mental degeneration, from being a physicist to my current trolling, on reddit and digg and iCanHasCheezburger. Let me try to trace my de-volution.

I have often said that Physics is very easy, but hardly anyone agrees with me. Maybe this guy does:


Then, I switched over to the dark side, to do a professional course, from Symbiosis, due to which I got a job, where I code for most of the time. Which is why, I can totally see myself saying this:



My Sense of humour, too has degenrated to a new low, to where I find the following hillarious:

Thanksgiving

I had scheduled this post to be posted to the blog on the 27th of Nov, but had to stop it, since taking into account the incidents of 26th Nov, it did not correctly portray the state of my mind on that day.

Over the past couple of weeks, more than a couple of friends have told me, how much their lives suck, and how they totally hate what is going on in their lives. A couple of them, even said that 2008, was the worst year in their lives, and they couldn’t wait for it to get over. (As if, the change of a digit, on the calendar can actually be responsible for anything)

I am however, not so pessimistic. This year has been particularly good to me, especially when compared to the previous one. There are several things I am thankful for, and what better day than this, to give thanks for it.

I am not going to mention Family and friends, because that goes without saying. Further more, they all know what I am thankful for. I want to mention the other things, which need to be acknowledged.

Firstly, I’m thankful for the job I have. It may not pay as much, as the other offers I have received, but when I look at the people who took up on those offers, I’m more than happy for the choice I have made. I get to work with some wonderful human beings, doing what they love. Hardly any politics goes on here, and it’s fun all throughout the day. I get to work on something, which is basically play for me, so I couldn’t ask for more.

Besides the actually content of work, work is helpful in a lot of ways. It requires you to follow a routine, thus preventing me from following my instinctive procrastinating ways. It gives you the confidence, to do whatever you want to. It increases your self worth and gives you a purpose, for the day to day life. And Most Importantly, it gives you a steady source of cash to spend.

Secondly, I’m thankful to my Bike. This year, I’ve really ridden her, not only for my daily commute, but also for a few trips, out of the City. This year, we have done more than 17,000 km, through, sunshine and rain, wind and fog, sand and gravel. And she still runs like new. Yes we have had a couple of incidents, but, both of us have come out of it, with only a few scratches here and there.

Some people ask me, how I can bear to bike over 60 Km per day. How do I have the motivation to sit in the saddle, and ride home, late at night, after a grueling day in the office? Well the answer is a secret, which I’ll like to revel. It goes by the name of chocolate. No, seriously… There is a Cadbury factory, very near to my office, and every night, when I leave office, I can smell them making some delicious confectionery. The fragrance of drinking chocolate or coco powder fills, my nostrils, and I’m reenergized, and rearing to go home.

Thirdly, I’m thankful for staying at home In Mumbai. My stay in Delhi and Pune, over the last two years, has been extremely educating, and I have learned more about life that I though possible. But Still I want to stay at home, where the dal will be made how I desire, and I don’t have to worry about small things like laundry and breakfast. Besides the Obvious advantage of living with your loved ones, the other major advantage is that I hardly have to spend money on anything.

Lastly, and most Importantly, I’m very thankful, for that one special thing. Most of you might know that I was crazy about someone for the major part of the year. Sadly it didn’t work out as I would have liked it to. I feel bad for that. It still hurts like hell, and I still miss her a lot. But I’m very thankful for whatever we had, for those few months. Those were, some of the best days of my life, and just because that period has ended, it doesn’t mean that I am not thankful for them. It was good while it lasted, and I’m glad it happened. I only hope it was good for her too.

Get out my head, Randal - Part x

My Philosophy

Over the years, I have honed the image of being a wise, omniscient, all knowing guy. It seems to people, that I have all the answers, especially when it comes to life. How Ironic! Actually what everyone is looking for, is for answers. If I look at my Gtalk list right now, I can see several relevant status messages like: Why do so many questions, not have answers?’, ‘Why me god?’ ‘How can he live without me?’ ‘When will this end?’

Now I don’t claim to be a guru, or anything. (Disclaimer: I am one of the founders of Woodism, and have been conferred the title of ‘Patron Saint of Sarcasm’) It’s just that I say things, which people think, are profound, and deep. That’s all bullshit! I just use some common sense.

I often have friends coming up to me, and telling me about the latest philosophy they heard about, which will help them out through their troubled times. I usually proceed then, to call them on the bullshit. Then inevitable comes the question: What is the right philosophy?

I refuse to answer that question. Partly, because there is no right answer. Each one of us has to find the answer for oneself. What I do help them with, is asking the right questions, and pointing out the potential pitfalls, when trying to understand, any of these life-changing theories

So here are some points to consider:

1]Never use a philosophy to justify your behavior!

I am sick of the number of times, that a friend comes to me, and tells me about a philosophy, or theory of life, that has a view, convergent with theirs, and hence are all excited with it. The problem with this line of thinking is, that you choose convenience over truth, Laziness over hard work. If you understand a theory, and make it your way of life, it’s ok. I can accept that. What I do not appreciate is something that you pick up, just because it is easy.

2] Any Philosophy has to help you through failure.

Failure is a part of life. You will not always get what you want. Life will, at some time or other, will go in directions you do not want. If someone tells you, that if you follow something, or do something, or wish hard enough, the world will dance on your tunes all the time, they are simply lying.
You have to accept this fact. And deal with it. There can be no two ways about it!

3] Any Philosophy that denies the presence of the present, is not worth your time.

There are many schools of thought, that say, that life is all maya, and it is not real. Well, it does seem real to all of us. These theories are a favorite amongst people that are suffering a lot. It helps them stay in denial, and lead a passive existence. I don’t find that very useful, and it’s best to avoid these kinds of things.

4] Any thing that promises Quick results, is fake.

I don’t have much to add, except for to clarify, that I am not talking about concepts and insights. These can be quick and simple, but implementing them is very difficult, and a long process.

Feynman used to talk about a saying, he heard in Hawaii. ‘Each man is giving the key to the doors of heaven. The same keys, also open the doors to hell.’

This post is a part of the November madness programme that I am following, where I attempt to post one entry on this blog, everyday for the last 3 weeks of November.

Does He know?

Jai could hear the din of excited murmur, as he strained to understand the numbers in the excel sheet in front of him. He let out a deep sigh, and decided to find out, what the ruckus was all about. As he looked out, through his glass door, he could see Sanjay, come out of the Boss’s cabin, with a packet of sweets in his hands. People were gathering around his seat, and were gesticulating excitedly. Sanjay caught his eyes, and with a shake of his hand, asked Jai, to join the group.

The number crunching would have to wait. Jai, got out of his seat, opened the door to his cabin, and made his way to Sanjay’s desk. “You old bastard! You didn’t tell us about her! When did this happen?” Someone was saying. People were generally laughing and smiling, and making digs at Sanjay. “Come, Jai. You must be the last person to get the news”, he said, and showed jai his left hand. No, not the middle finger…it was his ring finger that everyone was pointing at.

“I got engaged over the weekend, and will no longer be available for all you lovely women!” he joked. “Her name is Kamana, and doesn’t she look pretty?” He pointed at his monitor. There was something awfully familiar about that face, hidden behind those huge sunglasses that all girls suddenly seem to be wearing. Then he saw the small scar, just at the edge of her mouth. It all came back to him.

Life can be funny sometimes. Jai couldn’t help, but smile as he remembered, how he had given her the scar, when he had been playing darts, with rohan, in their room and She had suddenly walked in. “Does he know?” he wondered. Sanjay, was all smiles, as he accepted the congratulations from all and sundry, and offered them sweets in return.

Jai suddenly had more important things to do, and the monthly report, suddenly didn’t seem so important. “You are coming for drinks, aren’t you?” Sanjay asked. “No, I have some work to do” he replied. Jai, locked his computer, took his bag, and left the office.

“Dude, you are at home, right? I’m coming over.” He yelled on the phone. “Ok” came the muffled reply from the other side. “Auto, JP nagar” he yelled at the auto guy, as he got in. Now was not the time for politeness, too many things were going on in his mind. ‘He must have known. How could he not have known about all this? And he never told me. Poor chap. How must he be feeling?’ was his train of though, as he planned his next plan of action. “Bas! Yehi side me laga dena” he told the auto guy, pointing to the wine shop.

“Salim bhai, kaise ho??…haan mera regular. Do khamba shark tooth, aur ek Old Monk…cold drink bhi de dena..Aur kya hai?” Jai knew the owner of the wine shop. He had been his best customer for the three years, when he had lived with rohan, and now that he had come back after a gap of more than 2 years, Salim bhai, was happy to see him. After some perfunctory, small talk, Jai moved on to Majid’s Biryani corner, where he picked up four-plate mutton biryani…the regular order. It had been a long time, since he had met Rohan, and it wasn’t in the best of circumstances now, but it would have to do.

They had been like brothers, in those glorious days of Engineering, and they had enjoyed all the 6 semesters they had been roommates. They had been virtually inseparable, and people often thought that they were a gay couple. This was ironic, because both of them had various girlfriends, during the entire time, and enjoyed going on double dates. Kamana was one of those girls…Rohan’s best girlfriend, as they had once joked. Jokes apart, she had been his longest relationship, and always had a special place in his heart.

He still remembered the time Rohan broke up with her. It was actually she who had broken up with him. And that had mainly to do with Jai, being always around him. She had asked him to choose between Jai, and herself, and like a loyal friend, he chose Jai. He cried over the turn of events, and always remembered her after that, but not for a moment did he question his choice.

Rohan opened the door, only after Jai rang the bell for a couple of minutes. He hadn’t taken the news well. Jai couldn’t bear to look at his friend. Unshaved, dressed only in boxers, and a thin shirt, with red eyes…he really looked depressed. Even though it was still daylight outside, it was dark in the room, as the drapes had been drawn. The laptop, was belting out a, blues song, and one could feel the morose atmosphere of the small apartment. Jai went and hugged Rohan. “You should have told me about this.” He said, as he kicked off his formal shoes, in the living room.

“You have been crying, haven’t you?”
“No! I tried really hard, but couldn’t. My eyes are red…since I haven’t slept a wink since I heard the news last week. I don’t know why it is affecting me so much. It’s good that you came”
Jai, settled down on the rug in the living room, and began to spread around the stuff he had got. “Don’t worry! Jai is here. We’ll have Sharktooth, like the in old days. And plus…Ghum ka saathi Rum”

Both of them had been through a lot together. The good as well as the bad. They had seen India Lose the world cup, had been there when they had finally passed their BE’s, and the regular problem with the girls. The answer to every problem had been ‘Chalo! Peetai hai.’ Be it a celebration, or mourning, alcohol had been their savior, and tonight, once again, Jai hoped, it would ease the pain. Jai knew, what he had to do. He had to listen, and let the drink do its thing. It was a difficult time for Rohan, and Jai just had to be there.

A couple of biryani, and four patiala pegs later, Rohan was in a much more somber mode. He had his head back, and was listening to the Himesh number, coming from the laptop. He was rolling the glass, between his fingers- and Jai knew- he was thinking before he began his dramatic monologue.

“I don’t know why I’m feeling this way” he began, “ I didn’t even care about her. I had almost forgotten about her, till Priya told me about her situation. Priya, you remember her, don’t you? The tall one, with lips like Catherine Zeta Jones? Well anyway... it was a bolt out of the blue. I don’t know why it hurts so much. Suddenly I feel it’s all wrong. I shouldn’t have ended it with her. We didn’t end it for a good enough reason. Wait, I don’t mean it in that way. I would never have trader you for her. I mean…I should have made her see my point of view. We often do things that we think are right, for the right reasons. What we don’t understand are its full implications, and these small things come to haunt us.

We had potential dude, great potential. She was the one who made get up every day, and go the gym. She made me stop smoking. She actually changed me. And that is more than what I can say about the other short skirts I chase. You remember how I came back from Lonaval…all happy? I don’t think I have ever been that happy.

Happy...that is what I said I wanted her to be, when Priya told me about her engagement. But I was lying. I want her to be happy, but only with me. It hurts me to see her smiling, along side that monkey.

But what can I do? Life’s like that. You do stupid stuff, and have to bear the consequences. You know, these emotions are a weird thing. It’s so silly of me to live in the past…focus on something, which in reality we might not even have had; but I can’t help it. I know, you are going to tell me to get over it. To ignore it, and live even in denial if that helps. But you know what? I don’t want to. I’ll rather prefer to have this sorry state, than get over her. She was one in a million. I can’t deny that.

I can’t hate her even. I know I tried. She had the gall to send me an invitation via Priya. It is far too easy to convert love to hate, but I don’t want the easy way out. Ya, I do love her…and I’m going to accept that. I have no other option.

But this is all a moot point. Abhi chadi hai, that’s why I’m saying all this. Tomorrow morning, It’s going to be the sorry old me, and nothing is going to change. She is going to marry that bastard, and I’m going to die all alone.

Maybe that is what is bugging me. Ya, I hate that I’m alone. Ya, I’m seeing someone, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m lonely and alone. What the hell…Make me one more large peg!”

Jai knew, that it was all going to be okay. He smiled as he passed on a large Rum and coke.

This post is a part of the November madness programme that I am following, where I attempt to post one entry on this blog, everyday for the last 3 weeks of November.

Death

The last 12 to 18 months, have been a learning experience for me. I have seen more of life, and death than ever before; especially death.

We can intellectually accept death as a Natural part of life. It is the only thing that is inevitable for all of us. It is the only thing that is guaranteed to happen. But when it happens, it hardly seems natural. When a 20 year old boy dies from jaundice, there is nothing natural about that. A 21 year old boy, complaining of chest pain and passing away in a day, is scarcely understandable. A 22 year old girl losing her father, hardly seems natural.

When one sees death, one stops... You just can't go on with what you doing. Some might conjecture that this is because you are thinking of your own mortality. While that might me true for some, it is not for me. I know, or rather feel that I am not afraid of my death. Death only takes away the deceased, it's those that are left behind, who suffer. The loss of a person hurts us, not because it indicates that we will leave some day too, but because it is a loss. It is often as simple as that.

That person might have been the world to us, or not. What truly hurts is the finality of it all. There is no permanence in anything except death. You might not meet a friend for a long time, but somewhere at the back of your mind, there is the thought of meeting him or her. You might have had a fight with someone, and you can always make up with him. There is always time...or that is what you think.

Once death comes along, everything changes. Death is permanent, things become irreparable, and there is no going back. You cannot talk to that person, nor convey what he or she meant to you. Death leaves a lot of things unsaid.

Man by nature is hopefully. Be he rich or poor, successful, or struggling, he always hopes for a better tomorrow. And this supposes, that tomorrow will be there. Death, lets go of all that. And that is why death hurts us so much.

This post is a part of the November madness programme that I am following, where I attempt to post one entry on this blog, everyday for the last 3 weeks of November.

My Virtual Life

I had gone back to SIG on Friday, for a presentation, and I talked to some of the Juniors. We talked about a lot of things, and I suggested to someone, that we could carry that conversation online, on Gtalk. This is when, somebody commented, “Sir, is always online. You can talk to him anytime!”

Now I agree that I live most of my life online, in the browser (the rest I spend in Visual Studio), but I’m surely not online all the time. Or so I thought.

Today while checking my Google reader, I was just going thru the trends, for a lark. A screenshot is below, for anybody who is interested.

But I truly realized the extent of my Online affliction, when I checked the time, I read posts.
Apparently, the only time I’m not online, is between 6 AM and 10 AM. Go figure!

My Beloved

Are you angry with me, because I have been away from you for two months? You have got to believe me, when I say that I was thinking of you all this while. I've just reached home, kept my luggage, and have come down to see you.

I still remember that rainy August evening, when I saw you for the first time. The setting sun's red glow was falling on you thru the glass. Your blue highlights were gleaming. It had just rained, and there were still a few drops on you, and you looked just perfect. It was love at first sight, I must admit.

We have been thru a lot. You were there when the accident happened, and both of us, fortunately escaped unhurt. We have been to beaches, thru Mountain passes, into the dense fog, in the chilly winters, and the wet rain. We have been together for a really long time. You really don't believe that I don't care for you.

On the flight home, I was thinking of you, and how you would respond. Are things going to be totally different between us from now on? Are you going to the give me the same response when I touch you? I'll have to see for myself, right?

You lay there under the sheet, while the sun is bathing you in the gorgeous morning sunlight. I can catch glimpses of you ankles, but you are hidden, as if angry at me. I come and pull the sheet off you, gently. The sheet moves over your curvaceous body slowly, and it's good that I don't see you completely at first. As each and every part of your body is exposed to me, one by one, I fall in love with you, all over again.

I drop the sheet aside, and look at you face. Your deep eyes, look sleepily at me, and your smile is still striking. There is a smudge of dirt on your forehead, and I lightly brush that off. You shyly turn your face away from me. I trace your figure with my fingers, and every contour feels so familiar. It's as if I had never left you.

Does your heart still beat for me? There is only one way to find out. With a quick twist of my wrist, I turn you on, and you purr like a contended kitten. I reach down to touch your throbbing bosom, and I am reassured by the rhythmic beating of your heart.

I know things will be fine between us.



Disclaimer: I had written this when I had gone back to Pune after spending two months in Delhi. I didn't post this then, because I thought, it was rather personal, and quite pornographic. A casual conversation yesterday evening, just made me rethink, about how much I love my bike, hence I decided to post it now.

Where lies my Kingdom???

I haven't forgotten you, my 3 year old blog. It's just that I have been rather distracted by certain important things. 'What?' you ask. Well I have been grappling with profound question. Question regarding me, my purpose in the world, and where I am headed...those kind of questions. Questions which are very difficult to answer, because you are never sure whether, the answer you have is the right answer, or whether there is in fact a right answer at all.

Ever since August, I have had this internal struggle, these innumerable doubts about my life, and the way it has been shaping up. I am not writing to say that I have found the answers to these questions, but rather to say, that I have found a helpful hint. I am quite sure that I will never be satisfied by any answer I get, so it's foolish to even suggest that. My revelation has been much smaller, but yet, it can be described as a 'paradigm shift' (I don't believe I just used those words).

You may be aware that I have eclectic taste...weird interests you might say, or even varied passions. I love reading, photography, traveling, adventure sports, conversing with interesting people, biking, eating and a hell lot of other things. I am currently at such a stage of my life, where I am officially stepping out from the role of a student, into that of a professional. You can well imagine, where all this mental torture comes from. I want to know clearly who I am. Now some post-modernistic physco-babble would say that I am a mixture of all these things, and much more than the sum of these things. But while that seems reasonable to the brain, the heart is not satisfied.

I had an insight out of this chaotic darkness today. I was generally wondering what I have to show for the month of November, the last 3 weeks. And my answer to that question, showed me the way out. Let me enumerate the things I have done, that I am particularly proud of:

• I wrote an Arcscript to make cartograms from shapefiles, which create maps like these.
• Not satisfied with that, I renewed my Knowledge of XML, explored Kml, and created a tool to enable shapefiles to be displayed on Google Earth.
• Wrote a bash script for automatically installing a programme from its tarball
  
• In another practical, I handled exception in JAVA programming, without using 'exception handling.
• Somewhere else, I presented a programme, which accessed a database using C# and .Net framework.
• I learnt the basic principles behind semivariograms, and understood where they fail.
• I manage to shrink a partition, and repartition another disk, and to make it work, I had to get my hands dirty with GRUB and fstab.
• I rewired a room, so that I could run a modem, on low voltage.
• Figured out a way to calibrate a projector on my own, after getting some hints.
• Beta tested Firefox 3, and submitted a couple of Bug reports.
• Corrected Philipp Lenssen

Do you see the pattern here? All of them are related to Technology in general, and computers in particular.

This is not to say that I did nothing else. I met some great people in Ashagadh and Pune, biked about 700 Km in 4 days, did something for the underpriviledged kids in the Rural camp, Spent some great days with family, shot some amazing photographs, read interesting books like Shame and 'Penguins stopped play', saw entertaining movies like OSO and Jab we Met...

Yet what are the things I am most proud of?
All these techy and geeky things.

I think I can now accept that my life lies in geekdom, and I am sure I will rule there. I will sleep comfortably today.

P.s. I think I can now assure my mother that I am doing productive things, when she complains of me being online the whole day. If she persists, and asks what is productive in all this, I will rehash the Feynaman quote that I always use: "Physics is like sex: sure, it may give some practical results, but that's not why we do it."

A lesson from Life

Statastical Analysis of my Life

Once again, we have a masterpiece from Xkcd

You know that Reality Shows are fun

Ever since "Survivor" hit the airways, Watching Tv has been fun. Reality Shows have taken over the Channels, with reality shows featuring fat people competing to lose the most weight, to modern versions of Cacofonix, crooning for the hearts of the audience.
I have never liked the India Reality shows, because they seem scripted and phoney. I'll rather prefer shows like "The Beauty and the Geek".

But I read about a Show, that I'll love to watch. Where did I read it? In the crime section of the Asian Age. You can read it at http://www.asianage.com/presentation/leftnavigation/news/top-story/raj-santoshi,-himesh-death-plot-is-foiled.aspx

In Case the link becomes dead, I'll post the main paragraph

An Uttar Pradesh Special Task Force on Wednesday arrested four criminals who had come from Mumbai to purchase weapons that were to be used to kill noted singer-actor Himesh Reshammiya and filmmaker Raj Kumar Santoshi. An earlier plot to kill Reshammiya in front of the cameras during the course of a TV show failed because the hired assassin was eliminated from the show in the early rounds.

I'm sure that if that guy had succeeded, I would have tuned in to watch it on Tv. I am sure that the channel would then have a sms vote, to figure out whether that guy should be hanged or given life imprisonment. Imagine the votes that would pour in for this guy...

Chasing the Good Life: On being single

I found this book in the strangest of Circumstances. The previous night, I had this long conversation with a friend of mine, about being single. We discussed the benefits, the gains, as well as the travails of being Single. We talked about going over to the dark side, and whether it was worth it.

I went off to sleep in my parent's bedroom, because my mom was asleep in mine. The room was dark, it was late, and I was tired. So I went of directly to sleep. In the Morning, as I was woken up by the chirping of the birds, my eyes turned to the nightstand, and I saw this book. Chasing the Good Life: On being single, I read. I thought I was still dreaming, so to check, I took the book in my hands. It was real.

I proceeded to the Index. Khushwant Singh, Radhika Jha, Farrukh Dhondy, Dolly Thakore, Suhel Seth, Jerry Pinto; People I have read before and liked. So I was intrigued. I wanted to know what these people had to say about the Singleton’s life.

Don't get me wrong. At my age, I am not thinking of Marriage. But being single is not having that special someone to share things with. For most of my adult life I have been single, mostly out of choice, sometimes out of circumstances, because destiny willed it so. I have been accused of being everything: from a Gay to a misogynist, to even a venustaphobe. I have usually replied that I like the company. Very often the word single has a particular meaning which it is meant to express, without using the appropriate word. For Most people Single=Alone=Lonely. Now I don't think that, that is a valid assumption, but I can't change how other people think. I wanted to know what these people feel about the single life, and I began to read it with much interest.

As one contributor said, 'This... was meant to be a breezy, witty, sassy piece on the joys of the single state'. So is it? It most definitely is, but it's much more than that. It not only is a heartfelt, humorous take on single hood, but it also manages to capture the subtle nuances of their life.

The best thing about this book is the variety it offers. It has 28 contributors, from all ages. These singles, are not only the unmarried single, but the divorced, serially married, widow(er)ed, as well as one, who claims to be a Married Single.

It starts off with an introductory essay by Bhaichand Patel, who regales us with his reasons of staying single, and even mentions in passing, how he almost got married to Rekha. Khuswant Singh mentions how he enjoys the pleasures of farting, while Radhika Jha notes the problems faced by a single person in finding a place to stay.

As Kanika Gahlaut says, 'The trouble with Single in the City chick-lit outpouring is that they are as predictable as a J.J. Valaya fashion show. You know what to expect. Either they are well-written Whines or they put forward the 'I lead a swinging life, who needs a man anyway' argument- both streams having spewed avoidable isms and literature worldwide. The truth about singledom lies somewhere n the middle.' This anthology tries to follow the middle path.

You have a beautifully written piece on becoming 'Suddenly Single' by Gouri Dange, you have the problems of the single mother brought forward in 'One plus three' by Anjali Puri, while Annes Jung touches us with her piece 'A world of my own'. On the other hand you have the always entertaining Suhel Seth, telling us his secrets of Seduction, Renuka Narayanan informing us of the advantages of singlehood in 'Minority Report’ and Rahul Singh excusing his singlehood, by blaming it on his 'imperfections'.

The problem with this anthology is the one that is there in all. All the contributions are not of the same level. Karan Thapar's piece is not even worth reading, while Dolly Thakore's essay, though from the heart, seems like a school essay, given it's pedestrian language and banal ideas. As someone wrote in this book, 'It's difficult to write about something that is a state of being as if it were a choice.' Not everyone can do it, but those that manage, do it beautifully. The Book should be definitely read, for the wonderful insights of all these people, whether we get them or not.

The words that they use, the ideas expressed and the metaphors used are wonderful, and humorous at the same time. When Mahua Sen mentioned 'carrying the heavy corpse of my own life' I know exactly what she meant, even though she used it to describe a different situation. Somebody else talks of the word Singleton, being a cross between single and Skeleton. What surprised me, as well as the editor, is that few people have written about sex or lack of it. Apparently there is more to life then just sex.

In the end, if you can learn anything from the book, it should be what Namrata Joshi Says, ‘I guess most of us singles are idealists, hopeless romantics who are not denying company but looking out for that perfect attachment, a soulmate.'

The Night I Met Einstein

Einstein has always been one of my favourite persons, not because he discovered the Theory of Relativity, but because he was a wonderful human being who just happened to be a great and original thinker.
If you see him as a genius, you are missing the most inspiring part of his personality, which is his humility and his basic human-ness. One should read his Ideas and Opinions to get to know him better.

Today I read this great article in RD, and thankfully found it online.

A young man who was tone deaf, happened to be attending an evening of Chamber music, and Einstein was sitting next to him. When this young man confessed that he was tone deaf, Einstein took it upon himself, to introduce him to Bach. What really made it for me, was how Einstein explained this activity:

"My young friend here and I, however, were engaged in the greatest activity of which man is capable......Opening up yet another fragment of the frontier of beauty."

Read the complete article:

The Night I Met Einstein

The Visit to Xavier's- I

This post is dedicated to Chitrak, who made a very passionate and scary request for it.. ;-)

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So I finally paid a visit to my alma mater, i.e. Xavier [It sounds so weird to call it that, rather than my college, but well change is always weird in the beginning.]. I am here in Mumbai for my diwali vacation, and I had many reasons for going to Xavier's.

As I was entering the gates, I realised that I did not have an id, and the watchman would surely ask me for one. Thankfully, it was the lull time of afternoon during the vacations, so the guard was not too interested in checking who was an authentic student and who was not. But just to prove a point, I asked for the entry book, and entered my details. There you have to mention who you are going to meet, and I was stumped for a while. Should I write that I am here to meet Terry, or should I write that I am here to visit the Physics dept, or should I say that I am here to sit in the foyer and bird watch, or am I here to claim my refund from last year's fees, or am I here to buy a T-shirt or two. Finally, I realised that I am a Physics pass out, so with loyalty towards Lr 14, I filled the Physics dept as my official destination.

On entering through the door, my legs surprisingly took me to the Heras notice board, which I used to look at only during the Maritime course. By the time that I scanned the board, and found nothing of interest, I was struck by a thought; will I meet anyone who remembers me, or will I be able to see only strangers in the campus? I shouldn't have worried. As I entered the first Quad, I noticed a lot of familiar faces. Most of them belonged to people from the SSL, and so my eyes jumped towards the SSl Notice board (let me explain here that I was primarily here to meet Terry, to request him to let me attend the rural camp, and had chosen this day as the initiation meeting was to be held, which I meant to attend.) I saw that the time had already passed, so I could continue with my aimless wanderings in those memory-filled corridors.

I saw Arjun, who told me that he would be coming to camp, so I was slightly placated. As I left him, I saw Achintya sitting in the tunnel, with someone from his usual crowd. After the perfunctory greetings, we got to the real thing, the usual Physics talk: abusing the professors, and at the same time saying how lucky we are (should it be were?) to be in Xavier's. Talking to him brought back memories of our foyer chats; some things never change. He mentioned how Rajesh had been prowling Orkut, and had found a couple of communities (you know what I am talking about) which do not show the dept in good light. Those were not Rajesh's words. He used the phrase 'Pattwardhan fan site'. See, I do not have anything to worry about, I already have passed out of the dept, and so I can bitch about it openly, and betray all the inner workings to the world at large. However, for people like Achintya, who have to meet the concerned professors day in and day out, those things can pose a dilemma. I was so busy laughing, that I did not correctly hear his reply to Rajesh.

As we were conversing, he came to know that his Ithaka practice was cancelled for the day. So after cursing the Ithaca people, we got back to cursing the Physics dept. He even went to the extent of declaring that he would be majoring in Maths. Physist are prone to making hollow threats. Since there was no special reason to hang out in the tunnel, we proceeded to the foyer. As I saw that wonderful place, it brought back so many memories, some bad, but mostly good. As I tried looking here and there, trying to locate the various spots I had stood at (and the garbage cans too) I spotted Rohit. He has been doing MSc Physics at National college, but has been missing Xavier's (well, who hasn't been?). He was there to collect the refund, just like me. With a fellow lr 14 sufferer, I decided to pay a visit to the dept and entered the Junior Lab. I saw Rajesh chatting with some of the junior students, with Veda standing in the background, doling out her motherly advice. Both of them recognised me and were asking about my whereabouts. They were interested in the news about other students. Veda was quite interested in Rahul's whereabouts. On hearing that he was working in the Diamond Industry, like all of us, she too was surprised.